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Thread: What to wear to a wake

  1. #1
    Banned markdk86's Avatar
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    What to wear to a wake

    My friend and I were doing a Sunday morning shift for our EMS company, overtime is nice.

    Anyway, first call into the morning was a 3 year old girl DOA who died in her sleep. She was 1 of 3 triplet identical girls. Probably died due to her pnuemonia and way prepature birth. We learned she got sick quit often as a result of being born after 5 months. Upon arrival we assessed her, she was gone for a few hours already.

    This is the only call that affected me and I feel it is right I attend her wake. What would be "wake wear" ?

  2. #2
    Banned bjohnso's Avatar
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    That's terrible man. I'm sorry. Black suit, black tie, what else?

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    That's tough. Much respect for the EMS.
    Dark clothes are appropriate. You can wear colour, just don't show up in a baby blue disco suit.

    If you don't mind me asking, is it hard to keep your work from affecting your personal life?

  4. #4
    General of Froot Soldiers TwiloMike's Avatar
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    Wear dark, matte, subdued clothing. Nothing flashy, shimmery, glimmery, reflective, techy, avoid patterns, etc. Keep it very understated...
    Homer Simpson - "The code of the schoolyard, Marge! The rules that teach a boy to be a man. Let's see. Don't tattle. Always make fun of those different from you. Never say anything, unless you're sure everyone feels exactly the same way you do."
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  5. #5
    Banned markdk86's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by RedSpikeyThing View Post
    If you don't mind me asking, is it hard to keep your work from affecting your personal life?
    Yes and no. I try to keep my job only a job, not depict it as who I am but I admit it changed my attitude towards things and gives me a different perspective. I like to help people. Another part of it is some of my friends are my co-workers so things from work get brought up in my personal life. People know I'm a EMT and ask me about it.

    The only thing where it affected my life where I had someone complain is my girlfriend. She said I've become cold. I really don't care about some things now and release its pointless to get flustered or worry. It's not like death is a daily occurance but yes, I see it usually every week or so. I see people commit suicide or attempt to. I've seen the worst and best attitudes. The high and low. It's amazing, and I've only been doing this 7 months.

  6. #6
    Banned markdk86's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by TwiloMike View Post
    Wear dark, matte, subdued clothing. Nothing flashy, shimmery, glimmery, reflective, techy, avoid patterns, etc. Keep it very understated...
    I bought a pair of khaki's and a white button down shirt with blue stripes. It's like a bussiness shirt I gues but on the darker side.

    I don't agree with the whole dark "this and that" because even though she was only 3, I'd like to look at it as a good 3 and not completley mourn and be pessimestic. I find it passe.

    I'd like to hope there is something out there, somewhere she is. I don't believe in God, well, Christian God. People say God has a purpose for everything, well tell me his purpose for taking a 3 year olds life. I believe there is a hiher power, but it just doesn't have the control we lead ourselves to believe.

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    You should stick to TwiloMike's suggestion IMO. You're an outsider to this family, no need to bring any attention to yourself at all.

  8. #8
    Team Chesticles! Unholy's Avatar
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    I would wear black.
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  9. #9
    Senior Member Jorge Sanchez's Avatar
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    I'd go with solids and neutrals. Not necessarily dark, but nothing bright or flashy.
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  10. #10
    Banned markdk86's Avatar
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    Eh, I'll pick up different shirt than.

  11. #11
    General of Froot Soldiers TwiloMike's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by markdk86 View Post
    I bought a pair of khaki's and a white button down shirt with blue stripes. It's like a bussiness shirt I gues but on the darker side.

    I don't agree with the whole dark "this and that" because even though she was only 3, I'd like to look at it as a good 3 and not completley mourn and be pessimestic. I find it passe.

    I'd like to hope there is something out there, somewhere she is. I don't believe in God, well, Christian God. People say God has a purpose for everything, well tell me his purpose for taking a 3 year olds life. I believe there is a hiher power, but it just doesn't have the control we lead ourselves to believe.
    The reason I suggested dark is because it's understated, easy, classic, and will not make you stand out. I understand and respect that you have your own ideas about what is appropriate at a wake, but this isn't the wake for someone you know or for someone you're related to. Your role at this wake will be to pay respects and remain nearly invisible. I suggest erring on the side of caution with your dress: the girl's family may not appreciate a wardrobe choice that isn't "passe". You probably don't know what their traditions are (do you?).
    Homer Simpson - "The code of the schoolyard, Marge! The rules that teach a boy to be a man. Let's see. Don't tattle. Always make fun of those different from you. Never say anything, unless you're sure everyone feels exactly the same way you do."
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  12. #12
    Banned markdk86's Avatar
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    Will a dark grey button down do ?

  13. #13
    General of Froot Soldiers TwiloMike's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by markdk86 View Post
    Will a dark grey button down do ?
    Sure.
    Homer Simpson - "The code of the schoolyard, Marge! The rules that teach a boy to be a man. Let's see. Don't tattle. Always make fun of those different from you. Never say anything, unless you're sure everyone feels exactly the same way you do."
    www.dictionary.com (for all your spell-checking needs)
    My picture thread- http://www.wannabebigforums.com/showthread.php?t=78235
    My journal- http://www.wannabebigforums.com/showthread.php?t=77712
    Viking Warlord- "You can't motorboat a personality".
    Built- "See, truly artful copy-paste isn't random. You need to know WHAT to copy before you go pasting..."

  14. #14
    Banned markdk86's Avatar
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    I'm actually nervous about going. Having second thoughts. Last thing I need is to see this kid again. Dunno if it will do any good.

  15. #15
    Fountainhead Organichu's Avatar
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    You don't need to approach the casket. Did you meet the parents of the child while on your call?

    It seems to me that a gesture like this (and I think it's a very admirable one) should be for the relatives of the child... if you didn't meet them at all during your dispatch, then this might be a bit of an odd thing to do... if you did, though, it could be very thoughtful.

    Parents could feel an incredible bond with you since you were there trying to save the life of their young child.
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  16. #16
    Grammar Nazi BG5150's Avatar
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    Shirt and tie. Dark suit. Dark Tie.

    In other words, don't wear the lite blue seer-sucker suit with a Loony Tunes tie featuring Tweety and Slyvester...
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  17. #17
    Banned markdk86's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Organichu View Post
    You don't need to approach the casket. Did you meet the parents of the child while on your call?

    It seems to me that a gesture like this (and I think it's a very admirable one) should be for the relatives of the child... if you didn't meet them at all during your dispatch, then this might be a bit of an odd thing to do... if you did, though, it could be very thoughtful.

    Parents could feel an incredible bond with you since you were there trying to save the life of their young child.
    I met them while they were flipping out. So I guess I sort-of met them.

  18. #18
    Fountainhead Organichu's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by markdk86 View Post
    I met them while they were flipping out. So I guess I sort-of met them.
    Then I guess it comes down to if you think they even registered you... do you think your presence would be accepted?
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  19. #19
    Banned markdk86's Avatar
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    It might be, but it was so chaotic they may not even remember my face. The clothes I bought I needed so that isn't a waste. This whole situation played with my head enough, seeing the girl in a mini coffen isn't goign to help. I just think I owe it to the girl.

  20. #20
    Banned markdk86's Avatar
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    Well I'm going. Wearing black shoes, dark jeans, and a gray button-down long sleeve collar shirt. I found out what others were wearing and some even comming straight from jobs so it will be okay.

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